please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
