We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
I just gift wrapped bread.
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
pray to the hookup gods
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
Randomize
