No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
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