I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
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