i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
How much explanation does bbqsexapalooza need?
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
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