My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
splinters make it hard to masturbate
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
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