I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
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