tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
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