Is it weird that I think of Ennis from Brokeback Mountain everytime I hear "Make em Say" by Master P? "I don't need your money. Huh." NA NA NA NAAA.
how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
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