I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
Randomize
