sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
Randomize
