I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Another day, another engagement, another cat
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
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