the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
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