all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
Randomize
