we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
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