3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
Randomize
