She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
Randomize
