Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
I got her a Nickelback box set.
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
Randomize
