Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
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