goodnight i made you a song goodbye
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
Randomize
