got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
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