I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
Randomize
