it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
Just role played anchorman. And yes, I did take her to pleasure town.
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
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