He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
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