you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
I pour the whiskey from now on
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
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