YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
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