It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
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