When we talk. Remind me of these topics, photoshop, my bday, threesomes, and cherekee indians. I swear these are real topics...
New topics to add when we talk, sweden, boxing, and the band journey
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
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