just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
Randomize
