Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
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