Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
Randomize
