the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
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