My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
after a month anything with tits is on the radar
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
Randomize
