my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
Randomize
