I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
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