I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
Do you have any idea how hard it is to cum to Chingy?!
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
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