someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
Randomize
