so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
he quoted the bible to break up with me
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
Randomize
