I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
Is her dick bigger than yours?
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
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