so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
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