just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
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