I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
I must say, I don't like the act of throwing up, but the feeling after is quite delightful
I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
You can see my drunken state get worse with each picture
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
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