Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
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