So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
Randomize
