You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
Randomize
