i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
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