as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
Randomize
