Jerry, you need to find god
He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
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Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
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I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
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