He can hate all he wants but were fucking with these crocs on
he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
he fucked my hip out of place.
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
Randomize
