its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Randomize
