One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
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