Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
Randomize
