Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
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