I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
I FOUND THE LEGS
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
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