In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
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