Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
Randomize
