WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
If it was for sex do you really think i would asking for a mass vote? I'm like fidel castro when it comes to sex. No public approval needed.
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
Randomize
