now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
Randomize
