If there's anything in this world better than hotboxing in the rain I haven't found it yet.
Agreed
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
Alive.
So much puke
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
Randomize
