Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
Randomize
