haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
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