i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
Randomize
