now i know why i became what i already was.
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
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