While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
Randomize
