My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
false alarm. still invincible.
Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
Randomize
