no but I have been chillin' like em' homeboys in the rainforest yo!
I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
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